$5.37!
That's what the kid behind the counter
At Taco Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out
Some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly
Rancher.
Having already handed the kid a
Five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab
Some change
When the kid with the Elmo hairdo said
The hardest thing anyone has ever said to
Me.
He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen
Discount."
I turned to see who
He was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting
The counter in front of me.
"Only$4.68" he said cheerfully.
I stood
There stupefied. I am 56, not even 60
Yet?
A mere
Child!
Senior citizen?
I took my
Burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong
With Elmo.
Was he blind?
As I sat in the truck, my blood began
To boil.
Old? Me?
I'll show him, I
Thought.
I opened the door and headed back
Inside. I strode to the counter,
And there he was waiting with a
Smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something
And jingled it in front of me,
Like I could be that easily
Distracted!
What am I
Now?
A
Toddler?
"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys,
He?"
I stared with utter disdain at the
Keys.
I began to rationalize in my mind!
"Leaving keys behind
Hardly makes a man elderly!
It could happen to
Anyone!"
I turned and
Headed back to the truck.
I slipped the key into the ignition,
But it wouldn't turn.
What
Now?
I checked my keys and tried
Another.
Still nothing.
That's when I
Noticed the purple
Beads hanging from my
Rear view mirror.
I had no purple
Beads hanging from my rear view
Mirror.
Then, a few other objects came into
Focus:
The car seat in the back
Seat.
Happy Meal toys spread all over the
Floorboard.
A partially eaten dough nut on the
Dashboard.
Faster than you can say Ginkgo
Biloba, I flew
Out of the alien vehicle.
Moments later I was
Speeding out of the parking lot,
Relieved to finally be leaving this
Nightmarish stop in my life.
That is when I felt it, deep in the
Bowels of my stomach: hunger!
My stomach growled and churned, and I
Reached to grab my burrito,
Only it was nowhere to be
Found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my
Courage,
And strode back into the restaurant
One final time.
There Elmo stood, draped in youth and
Black nail polish.
All I could think was, "What is the world coming
To?"
All
I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in
Here"?
At this point I was ready to ask a Boy
Scout to help me back to my
Vehicle,
And then go straight home and apply
For Social Security benefits.
Elmo had no
Clue.
I walked back out to the
Truck,
And suddenly a young lad came up and
Tugged on my jeans to get my
Attention.
He was holding up a drink and a
Bag.
His mother
Explained,
"I think you left
This in my truck by mistake."
I took the food and drink from the
Little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered these
Kind words:
"It's OK. My
Grandfather does stuff like this all the
Time."
All of this is to explain how I got a
Ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.
Yessss, I was racing
Some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.
And no, I told the officer, I'm Nottoo
Old to be
Driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my
Wife met me halfway down the
Hall.
I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding
Ticket.
I promptly sat in my rocking chair and
Covered up my legs with a blankey.
The good news was that I had
Successfully found my way home.
Pass this on to the
Other "old fogies" on your list (so they can have
Fun laughing, too).
Notice the
Larger
Type?
That's for those of us who have
Trouble reading.
P.S. Save the earth...... It's the
Only planet with chocolate!!!!!
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