INTERESTING

From: Jose Victoria <josefvictoria0204@yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, Nov 25, 2011 at 11:35 PM

INTERESTING There are two words in the English language Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand. And 'lollipop' is the longest word typed with your right hand. (Bet you tried these out, didn't you?) No word in the English language rhymes with month , orange, silver, or purple. ' Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'. (Are you doubting this?) our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?) The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to 'do' this one.) There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not possibly doubting this, are you ?) that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.' (Yes, admit it, you are going to say, a e i o u) TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out) A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds (Some days that's about what managements' memory span is.) A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too, especially at work.!) Almonds are a member of the peach family. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that also . Actually I know A LOT of people like this!) Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite! Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that.) The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid . There are more chickens than people in the world. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. Now you know more than you did before!! The Rain-Thomas Kinkade This is a Thomas Kinkade painting It's rumored to carry a miracle! They say if you pass this on, you will receive a miracle. I am passing this on because I thought it was really pretty, and besides, who couldn't use a miracle?!

--
Antonio L. Buensuceso Jr.

Revealed power of the Noah's Ark

From : Jose Victoria


GUARDIAN ANGEL

Forward this message the same day you receive it.
It may sound ridiculous, but it is right on time.
We believe that something is about to happen. Angels exist,
only sometimes they haven't got wings and we call them friends;
you are one of them!
Something wonderful is about to happen to you and your friends.
Tomorrow at 8:23 am somebody will call you and tell you
something you have been waiting to hear.


This is an actual size of Noah's Ark.

Let me know what happens to you the morning after you open this e-mail.

This is an unusual one. It actually gives you a time tomorrow. Let's see if it works.
SAY THIS PRAYER

Heavenly Father; I Come to you As Humble As I Know How. I Confess My Sins, Those Known & Unknown. Lord, you Know I'm Not Perfect & I Fall Short Every day Of My Life. I Just Want to Take Time Out to Say Thank you. Thank you for your Love. Thank you for your Mercy. Thank you for your Grace. Thank you for My Home, Car, Food, Life, and Everything I Do Have. I Realize That this Life I'm Living Is Full Of Trials & Tribulations But Thank you for Not Putting More On Me Than I Can Bear. Please Send This Prayer to Every 1 in your directory & The Next Time you Get Ready to Complain, Tell The Devil you are A Blessed Child Of God & you Have More to Be Thankful for Than to Worry About. We Must Go Thru The Storm to Appreciate The Sunshine! This is a test to see who has more followers. Jesus or Satan.

If you are for Jesus, forward this to ten people....


The TRUTH will set you FREE.

TAWANAN AT BIRUAN

Heather FROM : JOEY V. AND FRIENDS

                            Tawa po daw muna diyan! PO 1: Bakit po K-9 ang tawag sa malalaking aso, sir! SUPT: Syempre pag tinawag mo silang K10, hindi na sila aso PO 1: Ano na sila sir? SUPT: maliit na pusa.. ------------------------------------------------------** Doc: Iha, mukhang pumapayat ka at hinang hina pa. Sinunod mo ba advice ko na 3 meals a day? Girl: Diyos ko! 3 meals a day ba? Akala ko 3 males a day eh!!!** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** May nagpapa-translate sa akin ng signage sa tagalog: "Emergency Exit" ang sabi ko, "MADALING LABASAN...? Tama ba? Parang bastos ata.** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Tip for a long life: Wag mo isusulat name mo sa condolence book pag dumalaw ka sa patay. Kasi pagkatapos ng libing nagkakaron ng raffle kung sinong susunod..... .** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Guro: Pedro late kana naman.. Pedro: Late po kasi relo ko. Guro: Problema ba yun. E di i-advance mo. Pedro: Sige po. Guro: Oh, saan ka pupunta? Boy: uwian na po!** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Mrs: Kung alam ko lang di sana ako nagpakasal sa iyo! ABS ka! Mr: Anong ABS? Mrs: Alak, Babae, Sugal!! Mr: Eh ikaw CBN! Mrs: CBN? Mr: Chismosa, Bungangera, Nagger!.** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** May dalawang lalaki sabay nag jogging: Guy 1: Pre, doctor ako.. Kaya ako tumatakbo kasi HEALTH conscious ako! Ikaw pre? Guy 2: Snatcher pre! WEALTH conscious ako.** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Bakit binaril ng bobo ang girlfriend nya? Kasi sinubukan nya kung totoong FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES!** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Pasahero: Mama, dahan-dahan lang po. Alalahanin nyo na palaging nakasunod sa atin ang disgrasya! D rayber: E, kaya ko nga binibilisan para di tayo abutan!** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** (sa isang turo-turo): Customer: Manang, meh langaw sa arrozcaldo ko! Tindera: Hello! Sa halagang P5.00 anong ini-expect mo....manok?** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Tom: Alam mo pare, my new wife is a sex object! Jerry: Wow! Maganda pala ang napangasawa mo pre! Tom: Hindi naman. But everytime I want to have sex, she objects!** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Anak: Nay, yung girlfriend ko hindi naniniwala sa langit at impierno. Nanay: Sige, pakasalan mo anak, ipatikim mo sa kanya ang langit, ako na ang bahala sa impierno**. ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** A husband asked his wife, "What do you like most in me, my macho face or my sexy body? The wife looked at him from head to toe and replied, I like your sense of humor".** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Russian: Sir, we got huge order from USA for 16 inches condoms. I think it is to embarrass us. Putin: No problem! Complete the order and mark them SMALL SIZE!** ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- A guy picks up a girl for a date. "Why are you wearing your belt around your knee? Girl: I promised mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt... * 2 Mental Patients nagsisiksikan sa maliit na kama ... Sira 1: Pare, di tayo kasya. Bawas tayo ng isa, sa lapag ka na lang matulog. (Bumaba sira 1.) Sira 2: Ayan, pare maluwag na, akyat ka na dito! ____________ __ MISIS: Dear, iligaw mo nga tong pusa. Nakasako na. Dalhin mo sa malayo! MISTER: Ok! MISIS: Bakit ka ginabi? Niligaw mo ba ang pusa? MISTER: Bwisit na pusang yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan, di ako nakauwi! ____________ _________ _ PEDRO: Galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na ako ng hearing aid. Grabe ang linaw ngayon nang pandinig ko! JUAN: Wow, galing! Magkanong bili mo sa hearing aid? PEDRO: Kahapon lang! ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *** JUAN: Pare, ang bilis kong nabuo 'tong puzzle! PEDRO: Talaga? Gaano kabilis? JUAN: 5 months! PEDRO: Tagal naman! JUAN: Tagal ba ' yun? Nakalagay nga dito sa box nya eh: 'for 3 years & up ____________ _______ AMO: Inday, naalis mo na ba yung mantsa sa barong Tagalog ko? INDAY: Yes, sir! AMO: Good! Anong pinang-alis mo? INDAY: Gunting po, sir! JUNIOR: Tatay, andaming lamok! TATAY: Patayin mo ang ilaw para hindi tayo makita. (Pagkapatay ng ilaw, lumitaw ang mga alitaptap... ) JUNIOR: Tatay, bumalik sila! May dalang flashlight! ____________ _____ NENE: Nanay, mahalaga pala ang punctuation mark. Nakakalungkot kapag nawala. NANAY: Aba , oo, anak! Mahalaga 'yun. Pero bakit nakakalungkot? NENE: Kasi, si ate, iyak nang iyak... Dalawang buwan na raw siyang walang period. ____________ _________ _ EUGENE : Pare, walanghiya 'yung mga kondoktor sa bus! REGGIE: Bakit? EUGENE: Ayaw akong papasukin sa bus! 'Yung iba, ang daming ibinebenta.. . mani, kasoy, puto, balot, itlog ng pugo, pinipig, chicharon, espasol, puwedeng pumasok! REGGIE: Ano ba ang ibinebenta mo? EUGENE: Papag. ____________ _________ _ JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari? ERAP: . (di nagsasalita) JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong. ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking? ____________ _________ _________ _____ NOEL: ipapangalan ko sa aking anak " LEON " baliktad ng Noel. NINO: sa akin ONIN baliktad ng NINO. TOTO: wag niyo akong maisali-sali dyan sa usapan niyo! ____________ _________ ____ Sinoli ni Paquiao ang libro sa library. Manny: sobrang dami ng characters wala naman storya. LIBRARIAN: kayo pala kumuha ng telephone directory namin! ____________ _________ ______ sa sabungan, walang entrance fee ang may dalang panabong. Si Juan para makalibre pumasok may dalang inahin. BANTAY: [sinita si Juan] ano yan? JUAN: [galit pa!] manok! BANTAY: alam ko, eh bakit inahin? JUAN: may laban ang mister niya, siyempre moral support bobo! ____________ _________ _______ GF: magaling! At sino tong baby na nagtext sayo? BF: ah eh kumpare ko yun! Lalake yun! Baby lang palayaw. GF: oh eto replyan mo. Hindi daw kayo tuloy at may mens daw ang tarantado! ____________ _________ _________ ___ ERAP SA PIZZA HUT WAITER: sir, do you want me to cut your pizza into 4 slices or 8 slices? ERAP: into four na lang, masyadong marami yung eight. di ko mauubos. ____________ _________ _________ Nagbubungkal ng lupa si Aling Dionisia para magtanim. Akala ng mga nakakakita naloloko lang siya dahil wala naman siyang tinatanim. Maid: nay, wala naman kayong tinatanim ah. Aling dionisia: anu Gid! Seedless ito.

--
Antonio L. Buensuceso Jr.

LAFF TAYM MUNA

COURTESY OF JOEY V. AND FRIENDS

SA BAKERY

Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.

Ale: Aba, sosyal ka, ah! Namamalimos ka lang, gusto mo pa ng cake.... o eto pandesal!

Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! B-day ko kaya today?!?

BOY: Wala akong kwentang anak para sa inyo! Lahat ng ginagawa ko puro mali! Lagi nalang ako mali!!! Di 'nyo na ako mahal!

AMA: Nagkakamali ka anak?

BOY: See! Mali na naman ako!!!

Nanay: Ang lakas mo kumain pero di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo!

Anak: Kapag yung baboy natin malakas kumain, natutuwa ka. Sino ba talaga ang anak nyo, ako o yung baboy? Umayos ka nay! Wag ganun!

BF : May ibibigay akong gift sa iyo, pero hulaan mo muna!

GF: Sige, clue naman...

BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.

GF: Kwintas?

BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD!

(Sa loob ng Mall)

GUY: LOVE, yan ang dati kong girlfriend.

Jowa: Ang pangit pangit naman!

GUY: Wala akong magagawa, yan talaga ang weakness ko ever since...

JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?

ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)

JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.

ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking?

inspiring quote of the day:

"hindi ako tamad. Hindi ko lang alam kung saan ko ibubuhos kasipagan ko."

TEACHER: okay class our lesson for today is science. What is science?

PEDRO: ako ma'am! Ako ma'am!

TEACHER: okay Pedro, what is science?

PEDRO: science is our lesson for today.

AMO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay.

(nilabas ni Inday)

INDAY: off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such

unabashed display of vagrant destitution!

PULUBI: oh! I'm so ashamed! Such a mansion of social climbing freaks!

(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!)

BOB: nakakamagkano ka sa 1 araw?

PULUBI: nag-uumpisa kasi ako ng 8am. Ngayon 9am na. naka 80 na ko.

BOB: hindi din masama noh? Ano mabibili mo niyan?

PULUBI: pwede na tong isang espresso macchiato sa starbucks!

DOC: umubo ka!

PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!

DOC: ubo pa!

PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!

DOC: okay.

PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?

DOC: may ubo ka.

in a miss gay pageant:

HOST: how can we uplift our economy today even though we are under economic crisis?

BAKLA: (namutla) mga bakla! Akala ko ba miss gay ito? Quizbee pala!

MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno ng kotse niyo.

CUSTOMER: ha?! Pano yan?

MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang inyong busina! Happy trip na lang po!

Divorced father: anak pag-uwi mo bigay mo sa nanay mo itong cheke at sabihin mo 18 yrs old ka na, huling cheke na makukuha niya for child support tapos tignan mo kung ano ang expression ng face niya.

Anak: mom, sabi ni dad bigay ko daw sayo itong cheke, last support na niya ito sakin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tignan ko daw expression ng face mo.

Mom: sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya paki sabi salamat sa suporta kahit di mo siya tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo expression ng face niya!

BOY: dad, tulong naman sa assignment ko. Find the least common denominator daw.

DAD: ha? aba'y elementary pa lang ako eh hinahanap na nila yan ah! Aba'y di pa ba nila nakikita?

BOY1: nakakakawa naman lola mo.

BOY2: bakit?

BOY1: nakasabay ko kasi magsimba nung isang araw, ubo ng ubo.

Pinagtitinginan nga ng tao.

BOY2: papansin lang yun!

BOY1: bakit?

BOY2: bago kasi blouse niya!

A boss confused about his Math asked his secretary:

If I give you P3M less 17%, how much would you take off?

SECRETARY: everything sir! Dress, bra, panty!

TEACHER: mga bata, alam niyo ba na ang bawat butil ng palay ay galing sa

dugo't pawis ng mga magsasaka?

MGA BATA: eeewwww!

STUDENT: ma'am, pagagalitan niyo po ba ako sa bagay na hindi ko naman

ginawa?

TEACHER: natural hindi.

STUDENT: good, di ko po ginawa assignment ko!

PARI: halika sa sulok

MADRE: bakit po?

PARI: sara mo pinto.

MADRE: wag po!

PARI: patayin mo ilaw!

MADRE: diyos ko po!

PARI: tamo rosary ko. Glow in the dark!

Sa kasalan

PARI: sana ang donation mo ay katumbas ng ganda ng pakakasalan mo.

GROOM: eto P5, father.

Tinignan ng pari ang bride.

PARI: eto P4 sukli mo iho.

Sinoli ni Erap ang libro sa library.

ERAP: sobrang dami ng characters wala naman storya.

LIBRARIAN: kayo pala kumuha ng telephone directory namin!

SA OSPITAL.....

WIFE: hon, nahirapan ako huminga.

HUSBAND: kung nahirapan ka ng huminga, itigil mo na.

GF: magaling! At sino tong baby na nagtext sayo?

BF: ah eh kumpare ko yun! Lalake yun! Baby lang palayaw.

GF: oh eto replyan mo. Hindi daw kayo tuloy at may mens daw ang tarantado!

Nagbubungkal ng lupa si Erap para magtanim. Akala ng nakakita niloloko lang

siya dahil wala naman siyang tinatanim.

BANTAY: sir, wala naman kayong tinatanim ah.

ERAP: bobo! Seedless to!

ANAK: nay, ano po ba yung 10 commandments?

NANAY: yun yung sampung utos ng Diyos.

ANAK: mas makapangyarihan pa po pala kayo sa Diyos eh!

NANAY: bakit?

ANAK: ang dami niyong utos eh!

Thought to ponder:

Hindi kaya ang dahilan ng pagbaha sa panahon ni Noah ay pinutol niya lahat

ng puno para gumawa ng napaka laking arko? ano sa tingin mo?

Si Erap nakabasag ng vase sa Museum, yung attendant nataranta.

ATTENDANT: naku sir, more than 500 years old na po yang vase.

ERAP: hay salamat. Akala ko bago!

--
Antonio L. Buensuceso Jr.

LOL: LAUGH OUT LOUD 9/21/2011

From: Jose Victoria
Date: 2011/9/24

GANDA BUHOK

STUDENT:    "Sir, kamusta po ang grade ko?"

TEACHER:     "Aba iha, kasing ganda ng buhok mo."

STUDENT:     "Talaga po?  Wow naman!!"

TEACHER:     "Oo..parang bagong rebond...BAGSAK NA BAGSAK!!"

KALAHI NI MICKEY MOUSE

ANAK:   "Tay may daga duon sa kusina!"

TATAY:   "Paalisin mo!!"

ANAK:     "Oy daga! Umalis ka dyan!!"

TATAY:      "Tanga!! Gulatin mo!!"

ANAK:     "Daga...BULAGA!!"

TATAY:   "Tanga! Takutin mo!!"

ANAK:     "Oh daga...aswang ako...whoooohhh"

TATAY:   "Gago!! Bugawin mo!!"

ANAK:     "Boss Daga...P50 lang, batang-bata pa!"

CLEANLINESS AND GADLINESS

BAKLA:   "Hoy! Babae bakit ka naghuhugas sa holy water?"

GIRL:       "May kasalanan ang mga kamay ko...nahawakan ko

ang ari ng BF ko."

BAKLA:    "Ganun?  Tabi dyan...magmumumog ako!!"

ASIAN MARTIAL ARTS

Kung ang China ay may KUNG FU, Ang Japan ay may KARATE.

At sa Korea naman ay may TAEKWONDO, anong matitira para sa Pilipinas?

Tayo ay mayroong,

SAPAKAN, BATUKAN, HAMPASAN, HARUTAN, BANGASAN,

PITIKAN, SIKUHAN, SAMPALAN, BANATAN, SAKSAKAN, SUNTUKAN, SABUNUTAN,

KALMUTAN, TADYAKAN, SIPAAN, TUHURAN, DIBDIBAN, KAGATAN, DURAAN,

BARILAN...at ang pinakamatindi sa lahat....PATAYAN!!!

ATTENDANCE

LOLO:      "Naku apo, magtago ka dyan sa ilalim ng mesa, padating yung teacher mo...di ba nag absent ka?"

APO:         "Naku...ikaw din Lo...magtago kayo sa ilalim ng lamesa."

LOLO:       "At bakit naman ako magtatago?"

APO:          "Kasi sabi ko aabsent ako ngayon dahil namatay ang lolo ko."

HEIGHT OF PASSION

Dalawang unano ang nag good time sa Bocaue.  They are having the time of their lives

at the Beer Garden.  They capped the fun with "compassion" for the night.  Kumuha sila

ng magkatabing kwarto sa isang motel.  Yung isa disappointed dahil hindi siya tigasan...kahit

na anong concentrate ang gawin niya ay wala parin.  Lalong lumaki ang disappointment niya

dahil sa naririnig sa kabilang kuarto na bumibilang......ISA....DALAWA.....TATLO....UMMMMPPP...sa

buong magdamag.

Kinabukasan sa kanilang paguusap.  "Disappointed ako dahil kahit na anong gawin ko...di ako tigasan."

"Eh di mas lalo na ako, NI HINDI AKO MAKASAMPA SA KAMA."

VICE-PRESIDENT PACQUIAO

INTERVIEWER:  "Ano ang plano nyo sa mga homeless?"

PACMAN:     "Marami...kasi may problema."

INTERVIEWER:    "Ano pong problema?"

PACMAN:      "Ang hirap silang hanapin...kasi wala silang address."

cr

--
Antonio L. Buensuceso Jr.