Date: Sat, Sep 17, 2011 at 6:45 PM
Kaya raw di umasenso ang Pilipinas ay di tayo positive tulad ng U.S.A.
Kaya raw di umasenso ang Pilipinas ay di tayo positive tulad ng U.S.A.
Ang tawag sa kanila AmeriCAN, hindi AmeriCAN'T.
Dapat tayo "FilipiYES", di FilipiNO.
.................
An idea can change your life, but a woman can change you idea....
So, the conclusion: always change your woman to have new ideas!
................
When a woman stops having her periods, we call that MENOPAUSE.
When a man starts using Viagra, we call that KINAPAUSE!
................
A hotel guest called room service, "I want a breakfast of two eggs burned &
black around the edges, undercooked bacon, weak coffee, watery orange juice,
and cold, hard, unbuttered toast."
The room service clerk asked, "Why in the world would you want a terrible
breakfast like that?"
'I am HOMESICK!" the guest replied.
..............
Pretty Girl: How much for a tatoo of animal just above my knee?
Tatoo Artist: P1,000 for tiger, rabbit and lion. Free if it's a GIRAFFEE!
.............
Ano sa Hawaii ang umiiyak?
A LUHA!
Ano naman sa Hawaiian ang caesarean?
TAHI TIAN!
Ano naman ang tawag sa bakla?
WAI KIKI!
................
A man is recovering from surgery when the nurse appears and asked him
how he's feeling.
"I'm OK, but I didn't like the four-lettter word the surgeon used
during my surgery."
"What did he say?" asked the nurse.
"Oops!"
..............
Mrs. Tanoy is so kuripot. When her husband died, he called the
newspaper and inquired about the price of an obituary.
Paper : P500 for 5 words.
Mrs. : Pwede ba 2 words lang, TANOY DEAD?
Paper : Di pwede. 5 words minimum.
Mrs. : O, sige TANOY DEAD. CAMRY FOR SALE .
..............
Juan : Kung ako sa iyo ma'am, papalitan ninyo grade ko.
Teacher : At bakit?
Juan : Sabi ng tatay ko, pag nag uwi pa ako ng may bagsak, may BUBUGBUGIN siya!
................
Anak : Itay, ano po ang ibig sabihin ng "climate change"?
Itay : Ha? Tinay, ano raw ang "climate change"?
Tinay: Ang panlalamig mo sa akin ay dahil may pinag-iinitan ka nang
iba. Iyan ang "climate change!"
..............
Stages of Life:
0 - 5 years we experience many SPILLS
6 -16 years we experience many DRILLS
17-25 years we discover many THRILLS
26-40 years we have many BILLS
41-60 years we suffer many ILLS
61-75 years we take many PILLS
76 & above we worry about our WILLS.
..............
INDIAN BOY (asking Big Chief) : Father, why do we have long names,
while white men have short names like TOM, BILL or SAM?
BIG CHIEF: My son, our names represent a symbol in our culture. White
men merely repeats names
from generation to generation. Your sister's name is SMALL ROMANTIC
MOON OVER THE
LAKE coz there was a beautiful moon over the lake when she was born.
Your brother WHITE HORSE OF THE PRAIRIES was born when a white horse
galloped over the prairies. It's easy to understand.
Do you have any question LITTLE BROKEN CONDOM MADE IN CHINA ?
..............
Sa muli. Ciao...
Dapat tayo "FilipiYES", di FilipiNO.
.................
An idea can change your life, but a woman can change you idea....
So, the conclusion: always change your woman to have new ideas!
................
When a woman stops having her periods, we call that MENOPAUSE.
When a man starts using Viagra, we call that KINAPAUSE!
................
A hotel guest called room service, "I want a breakfast of two eggs burned &
black around the edges, undercooked bacon, weak coffee, watery orange juice,
and cold, hard, unbuttered toast."
The room service clerk asked, "Why in the world would you want a terrible
breakfast like that?"
'I am HOMESICK!" the guest replied.
..............
Pretty Girl: How much for a tatoo of animal just above my knee?
Tatoo Artist: P1,000 for tiger, rabbit and lion. Free if it's a GIRAFFEE!
.............
Ano sa Hawaii ang umiiyak?
A LUHA!
Ano naman sa Hawaiian ang caesarean?
TAHI TIAN!
Ano naman ang tawag sa bakla?
WAI KIKI!
................
A man is recovering from surgery when the nurse appears and asked him
how he's feeling.
"I'm OK, but I didn't like the four-lettter word the surgeon used
during my surgery."
"What did he say?" asked the nurse.
"Oops!"
..............
Mrs. Tanoy is so kuripot. When her husband died, he called the
newspaper and inquired about the price of an obituary.
Paper : P500 for 5 words.
Mrs. : Pwede ba 2 words lang, TANOY DEAD?
Paper : Di pwede. 5 words minimum.
Mrs. : O, sige TANOY DEAD. CAMRY FOR SALE .
..............
Juan : Kung ako sa iyo ma'am, papalitan ninyo grade ko.
Teacher : At bakit?
Juan : Sabi ng tatay ko, pag nag uwi pa ako ng may bagsak, may BUBUGBUGIN siya!
................
Anak : Itay, ano po ang ibig sabihin ng "climate change"?
Itay : Ha? Tinay, ano raw ang "climate change"?
Tinay: Ang panlalamig mo sa akin ay dahil may pinag-iinitan ka nang
iba. Iyan ang "climate change!"
..............
Stages of Life:
0 - 5 years we experience many SPILLS
6 -16 years we experience many DRILLS
17-25 years we discover many THRILLS
26-40 years we have many BILLS
41-60 years we suffer many ILLS
61-75 years we take many PILLS
76 & above we worry about our WILLS.
..............
INDIAN BOY (asking Big Chief) : Father, why do we have long names,
while white men have short names like TOM, BILL or SAM?
BIG CHIEF: My son, our names represent a symbol in our culture. White
men merely repeats names
from generation to generation. Your sister's name is SMALL ROMANTIC
MOON OVER THE
LAKE coz there was a beautiful moon over the lake when she was born.
Your brother WHITE HORSE OF THE PRAIRIES was born when a white horse
galloped over the prairies. It's easy to understand.
Do you have any question LITTLE BROKEN CONDOM MADE IN CHINA ?
..............
Sa muli. Ciao...
