JUAN M FLAVIER The parable of the Noli Me Tangere

The parable of the Noli Me Tangere

Byline: Juan M Flavier

credit:carlojoe5.tripod.com

THE barrio school had a nipa hut look. The walls were made of matted bamboo (sawali) and the roof had weather-beaten cogon grass. Desks were low and equally aged with poke marks on the writing side. The only tidy piece of furniture was the teachers table covered with beige Manila paper.

Her voice shrilled above the din of noise as though the question was meant to silence the pupils. "Who wrote Noli Me Tangere?" she asked sternly. "Pedro, answer the question."

Pedro was taken by surprise. He stiffened then slowly inched up to stand. Guilt spread over his face as he said, "I didnt do it, Maam."

The teacher glared. Noli Me Tangere is a book written by the national hero Jose Rizal and here was a smart aleck saying he didnt do it. The whole class laughed in great amusement.

"You are fooling and making fun of me," the teacher said with anger. "I should suspend you. But before I do that you must come tomorrow with your father so we can have a talk about your bad behavior."

The boy went home and informed his father of the teachers request for them to be in school together the following day.

Suspecting something amiss, the father inquired, "What is it this time, Pedro?"

The boy fidgeted and then decided to get over it. "The teacher suspected me of writing Noli Me Tangere. I told her I did not do it and she got angry. She wants to suspend me but wishes to talk with you first."

"Talaga bang hindi mo isinulat ang Noli Me Tangere (Is it really true that you didnt write Noli Me Tangere)?" the father wanted to be sure.

"Talagang hindi (really not)," Pedro assured his father with conviction.

"Dont worry, I will help explain to your teacher," said the father trying to make his worried son feel better.

The next day, father and son went to see the peeved teacher.

"Your son is misbehaving," complained the teacher directly. "I asked who wrote Noli Me Tangere and your son says he did not do it. I intend to suspend him. What do you say as the parent?"

The father tried to appear as contrite as possible. But he believed completely in the innocence of his son. "Naku Maestra," he said with a low and conciliatory voice, "si Pedro ay tinuruan naming huwag magsisinungaling. Kaya ho pag sinabi niyang hindi siya ang sumulat ng Noli Me Tangere ay talaga hong hindi niya ginawa ito. (Wow, teacher, we taught Pedro never to tell a lie. So if he says he did not write Noli Me Tangere it is really true, he did not do it)."

The teacher got even more angry. The son had made fun of her. Now here was the father doing likewise.

Father and son left knowing they had failed to convince the irate teacher. Without saying anything to each other, they walked home.

"What happened?" the mother asked.

"Well, I told Pedros teacher that the boy was reared by us under a strict code of truthfulness. Pinanindigan ko na hindi sinulat ni Pedro ang Noli Me Tangere (So I stood firm that Pedro did not write the Noli Me Tangere)."

The mother shook her head and said, "Hindi pala kayo marunong. Kung ba inamin ninyo na sinulat ni Pedro and Noli Me Tangere at nangako kayo na hindi na niya uulitin wala sanang kaso. (You are not smart enough. If you admitted that Pedro wrote the Noli Me Tangere and promised he would not repeat it then there would be no case)."

COPYRIGHT 2004 Manila Bulletin Publishing Corp.

COPYRIGHT 2009 Gale, Cengage Learning

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JINGGOY

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

What's in the box?

From: Alfred Clayton

Date: Mon, Apr 8, 2013 at 10:38 AM IF YOU CAN NOT LAUGH AT THIS ONE THEN YOUR DAY WAS WORSE THAN MINE! PLEASE LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF SUNSHINE AND LAUGH OUT LOUD!  What's in the box? A little old lady went to the grocery store to  buy cat food. She picked up four cans and  took them to the check out counter. The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry,  but we cannot sell you cat food without  proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and  the management wants proof that you are  buying the cat food for your cat." The little old lady went home, picked up  her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food. The next day, she tried to buy two cans  of dog food. Again the cashier said "I'm sorry, but we  cannot sell you dog food without proof  that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat,  but the management wants proof that  you are buying the dog food for your dog." So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog food. The next day she brought in a  box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to  stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have  a snake in there." The little old lady assured her that  there was nothing in the box that  would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into  the box and quickly pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, "That smells like shit." The little old lady said, "It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet paper."

GUTTER FIXED

From: Alfred Clayton

Date: Thu, Mar 7, 2013 at 9:07 AM

My wife said  "Fix that  gutter TODAY" So I invited the  boys over. One brought  his welder the others  brought beer.  mostly for the beer, but  we got the downspout fixed. Wife is still speechless... I'm  certain not for much  longer tho'.

FUNNY $5.37

From: Alfred Clayton

Date: Fri, Dec 21, 2012 at 12:00 PM

Funny! $5.37! That's what the kid behind the counter At Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out Some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a Five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab Some change When the kid with the Elmo hairdo said The hardest thing anyone has ever said to Me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen Discount." I turned to see who He was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting The counter in front of me. "Only$4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood There stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 Yet? A mere Child! Senior citizen? I took my Burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong With Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began To boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I Thought. I opened the door and headed back Inside. I strode to the counter, And there he was waiting with a Smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something And jingled it in front of me, Like I could be that easily Distracted! What am I Now? A Toddler? "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, He?" I stared with utter disdain at the Keys. I began to rationalize in my mind! "Leaving keys behind Hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to Anyone!" I turned and Headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, But it wouldn't turn. What Now? I checked my keys and tried Another. Still nothing. That's when I Noticed the purple Beads hanging from my Rear view mirror. I had no purple Beads hanging from my rear view Mirror. Then, a few other objects came into Focus: The car seat in the back Seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the Floorboard. A partially eaten dough nut on the Dashboard. Faster than you can say Ginkgo Biloba, I flew Out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was Speeding out of the parking lot, Relieved to finally be leaving this Nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the Bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I Reached to grab my burrito, Only it was nowhere to be Found. I swung the truck around, gathered my Courage, And strode back into the restaurant One final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and Black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming To?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in Here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my Vehicle, And then go straight home and apply For Social Security benefits. Elmo had no Clue. I walked back out to the Truck, And suddenly a young lad came up and Tugged on my jeans to get my Attention. He was holding up a drink and a Bag. His mother Explained, "I think you left This in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the Little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these Kind words: "It's OK. My Grandfather does stuff like this all the Time." All of this is to explain how I got a Ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone. Yessss, I was racing Some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm Nottoo Old to be Driving this fast. As I walked in the front door, my Wife met me halfway down the Hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding Ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and Covered up my legs with a blankey. The good news was that I had Successfully found my way home. Pass this on to the Other "old fogies" on your list (so they can have Fun laughing, too). Notice the Larger Type? That's for those of us who have Trouble reading. P.S. Save the earth...... It's the Only planet with chocolate!!!!! Oh, did I send this to you already? Sorry. I hope you liked it again for the first time, like I did.