TAWANAN AT BIRUAN

Heather FROM : JOEY V. AND FRIENDS

                            Tawa po daw muna diyan! PO 1: Bakit po K-9 ang tawag sa malalaking aso, sir! SUPT: Syempre pag tinawag mo silang K10, hindi na sila aso PO 1: Ano na sila sir? SUPT: maliit na pusa.. ------------------------------------------------------** Doc: Iha, mukhang pumapayat ka at hinang hina pa. Sinunod mo ba advice ko na 3 meals a day? Girl: Diyos ko! 3 meals a day ba? Akala ko 3 males a day eh!!!** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** May nagpapa-translate sa akin ng signage sa tagalog: "Emergency Exit" ang sabi ko, "MADALING LABASAN...? Tama ba? Parang bastos ata.** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Tip for a long life: Wag mo isusulat name mo sa condolence book pag dumalaw ka sa patay. Kasi pagkatapos ng libing nagkakaron ng raffle kung sinong susunod..... .** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Guro: Pedro late kana naman.. Pedro: Late po kasi relo ko. Guro: Problema ba yun. E di i-advance mo. Pedro: Sige po. Guro: Oh, saan ka pupunta? Boy: uwian na po!** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Mrs: Kung alam ko lang di sana ako nagpakasal sa iyo! ABS ka! Mr: Anong ABS? Mrs: Alak, Babae, Sugal!! Mr: Eh ikaw CBN! Mrs: CBN? Mr: Chismosa, Bungangera, Nagger!.** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** May dalawang lalaki sabay nag jogging: Guy 1: Pre, doctor ako.. Kaya ako tumatakbo kasi HEALTH conscious ako! Ikaw pre? Guy 2: Snatcher pre! WEALTH conscious ako.** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Bakit binaril ng bobo ang girlfriend nya? Kasi sinubukan nya kung totoong FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES!** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Pasahero: Mama, dahan-dahan lang po. Alalahanin nyo na palaging nakasunod sa atin ang disgrasya! D rayber: E, kaya ko nga binibilisan para di tayo abutan!** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** (sa isang turo-turo): Customer: Manang, meh langaw sa arrozcaldo ko! Tindera: Hello! Sa halagang P5.00 anong ini-expect mo....manok?** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Tom: Alam mo pare, my new wife is a sex object! Jerry: Wow! Maganda pala ang napangasawa mo pre! Tom: Hindi naman. But everytime I want to have sex, she objects!** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Anak: Nay, yung girlfriend ko hindi naniniwala sa langit at impierno. Nanay: Sige, pakasalan mo anak, ipatikim mo sa kanya ang langit, ako na ang bahala sa impierno**. ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** A husband asked his wife, "What do you like most in me, my macho face or my sexy body? The wife looked at him from head to toe and replied, I like your sense of humor".** ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------** Russian: Sir, we got huge order from USA for 16 inches condoms. I think it is to embarrass us. Putin: No problem! Complete the order and mark them SMALL SIZE!** ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- A guy picks up a girl for a date. "Why are you wearing your belt around your knee? Girl: I promised mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt... * 2 Mental Patients nagsisiksikan sa maliit na kama ... Sira 1: Pare, di tayo kasya. Bawas tayo ng isa, sa lapag ka na lang matulog. (Bumaba sira 1.) Sira 2: Ayan, pare maluwag na, akyat ka na dito! ____________ __ MISIS: Dear, iligaw mo nga tong pusa. Nakasako na. Dalhin mo sa malayo! MISTER: Ok! MISIS: Bakit ka ginabi? Niligaw mo ba ang pusa? MISTER: Bwisit na pusang yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan, di ako nakauwi! ____________ _________ _ PEDRO: Galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na ako ng hearing aid. Grabe ang linaw ngayon nang pandinig ko! JUAN: Wow, galing! Magkanong bili mo sa hearing aid? PEDRO: Kahapon lang! ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *** JUAN: Pare, ang bilis kong nabuo 'tong puzzle! PEDRO: Talaga? Gaano kabilis? JUAN: 5 months! PEDRO: Tagal naman! JUAN: Tagal ba ' yun? Nakalagay nga dito sa box nya eh: 'for 3 years & up ____________ _______ AMO: Inday, naalis mo na ba yung mantsa sa barong Tagalog ko? INDAY: Yes, sir! AMO: Good! Anong pinang-alis mo? INDAY: Gunting po, sir! JUNIOR: Tatay, andaming lamok! TATAY: Patayin mo ang ilaw para hindi tayo makita. (Pagkapatay ng ilaw, lumitaw ang mga alitaptap... ) JUNIOR: Tatay, bumalik sila! May dalang flashlight! ____________ _____ NENE: Nanay, mahalaga pala ang punctuation mark. Nakakalungkot kapag nawala. NANAY: Aba , oo, anak! Mahalaga 'yun. Pero bakit nakakalungkot? NENE: Kasi, si ate, iyak nang iyak... Dalawang buwan na raw siyang walang period. ____________ _________ _ EUGENE : Pare, walanghiya 'yung mga kondoktor sa bus! REGGIE: Bakit? EUGENE: Ayaw akong papasukin sa bus! 'Yung iba, ang daming ibinebenta.. . mani, kasoy, puto, balot, itlog ng pugo, pinipig, chicharon, espasol, puwedeng pumasok! REGGIE: Ano ba ang ibinebenta mo? EUGENE: Papag. ____________ _________ _ JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari? ERAP: . (di nagsasalita) JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong. ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking? ____________ _________ _________ _____ NOEL: ipapangalan ko sa aking anak " LEON " baliktad ng Noel. NINO: sa akin ONIN baliktad ng NINO. TOTO: wag niyo akong maisali-sali dyan sa usapan niyo! ____________ _________ ____ Sinoli ni Paquiao ang libro sa library. Manny: sobrang dami ng characters wala naman storya. LIBRARIAN: kayo pala kumuha ng telephone directory namin! ____________ _________ ______ sa sabungan, walang entrance fee ang may dalang panabong. Si Juan para makalibre pumasok may dalang inahin. BANTAY: [sinita si Juan] ano yan? JUAN: [galit pa!] manok! BANTAY: alam ko, eh bakit inahin? JUAN: may laban ang mister niya, siyempre moral support bobo! ____________ _________ _______ GF: magaling! At sino tong baby na nagtext sayo? BF: ah eh kumpare ko yun! Lalake yun! Baby lang palayaw. GF: oh eto replyan mo. Hindi daw kayo tuloy at may mens daw ang tarantado! ____________ _________ _________ ___ ERAP SA PIZZA HUT WAITER: sir, do you want me to cut your pizza into 4 slices or 8 slices? ERAP: into four na lang, masyadong marami yung eight. di ko mauubos. ____________ _________ _________ Nagbubungkal ng lupa si Aling Dionisia para magtanim. Akala ng mga nakakakita naloloko lang siya dahil wala naman siyang tinatanim. Maid: nay, wala naman kayong tinatanim ah. Aling dionisia: anu Gid! Seedless ito.

--
Antonio L. Buensuceso Jr.

Piggy bank

by: Antonio L. Buensuceso Jr.

Comment to "Why not a total mining ban? by Neal Cruz , PDI

This is not about Neal Cruz . This is about our children . This is about our future.

Total mining ban is "As I See It" also is best for the Philippines. The country is teeming with vast array of pristine beaches and scenic views and rich in cultural heritage and to cut it short, our country is a real awesome tourist destination. Underneath the ground on where these pedestals of grandeur lies rich deposits of minerals and precious metals.Allow me if you may to share a piece of something like an analogy. Have anyone of you seen a piggy bank? Yes, a piggy bank. It is a piece of similar to a decorative ornament usually in the figure of a pig with slit opening on top fit for coins to insert into it and normally made from ceramics or earthen clay, purposely made for savings. Indeed a valuable piece of possession. The mountain and grounds rolled into one is exactly a piggy bank. The minerals and precious metals underground are coins inside the piggy bank . This piggy bank and the coins in it are not results of our own endeavor but God's gift to us...given free to us for all of us to enjoy and preserve through eternity. But what are we doing with the piggy bank? We let looters come in, then let them smash the piggy bank and take the bounty with them leaving behind mountain of broken ceramics and earthen clay and at the very most thirty pieces of silver. We care no more about the piggy bank. We are just interested with the coins in it as if it is more valuable than the water we drink , than the air we breath. Those are mere coins inside the piggy bank. We must focus our attention on the beauty of the piggy bank and gratitude to the God who give this provision to us.

We don't need coins anyway. Because we have already plenty of them. It even mutated into millions of valuable paper bills, more than enough to build roads, bridges and infrastructures to help boost tourism in the country and other needs of the populace. Unfortunately those paper bills are gone with the wind and have been sucked by monstrous greed and corruption. This is where our focus should be ..on the fight against corruption. Every Filipino, every one of us should join hands to combat this social menace President Noy is right when he said "kung walang korap walang mahirap" and I wholehearted agree with it.

Acting Ombudsman Casimiro and his team needs a lot of support from all us...at least for prayers that they may have the best of health and stamina and safety to recover all the ill gotten wealth of several individuals on account of their graft and corrupt practices act and discourage others to do and continue doing the same corrupt act. And hopefully, his team in the coming days would finally catch the Big Hen who lays these rotten eggs .Watch out for that Big Hen. She might be still laying her rotten eggs somewhere.

Then, we should look forward to a day when we could honorably convey to our children,

"This piggy bank is for you to protect, keep and cherish through eternity"

PS Remember the mining disaster in Marinduque.......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcopper_mining_disaster

Thanks as if you did it to my 'sons'

From: Alfred Clayton clayalf@msn.com

Date: Tue, Jun 14, 2011 at 6:01 AM
Subject: FW: Sack Lunches..

Sack Lunches I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. 'I'm glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap,' I thought. Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation. 'Where are you headed?' I asked the soldier seated nearest to me. 'Petawawa. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we're being deployed to Afghanistan After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time... As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. 'No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks. I'll wait till we get to base.' His friend agreed. I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. 'Take a lunch to all those soldiers.' She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me. 'My son was a soldier in Iraq ; it's almost like you are doing it for him.' Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked, 'Which do you like best - beef or chicken?' 'Chicken,' I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class. 'This is your thanks.' After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me. 'I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.' He handed me twenty-five dollars. Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand and said, 'I want to shake your hand.' Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said, 'I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.' I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers. Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm. When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars! Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base. I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. 'It will take you some time to reach the base. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You.' Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers. As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little... A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America ' for an amount of 'up to and including my life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.'

Shell financed Hitler

Royal Dutch Shell financed Hitler

May 19th, 2011 

by John Donovan.

By John Donovan

Today we publish further confirmation of Shell's financing of Hitler and the Nazi Party.

Extract from a review of "Anglo-American Oil Politics and the New World Order" by F. WILLIAM ENGDAHL

"Later, the consequences from Baron Kurt von Schroeder's January 4, 1932 meeting would have to be faced after he, Heinrich von Papen and Hitler secretly arranged a Nazi takeover. A year later, another meeting followed preparatory to acting. The Weimar government was weak, the scheme was to topple it, and it made Hitler Reichschancellor on January 30, 1933. On August 2, 1934 he seized absolute power as Fuhrer. British interests backed him, Royal Dutch Shell financed him, and the Bank of England "moved with indecent haste to reward" him with a vital line of credit. The rest, as they say, is history, and from it would emerge a new world order."

EXTRACT FROM PAGE 100 OF THE BOOK

"On January 30, 1933 Adolf Hitler became Chancellor of the Reich.

The final London visit of Alfred Rosenberg was in May 1933, this time as one of the inner figures in the new Hitler government. He went directly to the country home in Buckhurst Park in Ascot of Sir Henri Deterding, the head of Royal Dutch Shell and arguably the world's most influential businessman. According to English press accounts, the two had a warm and eventful discussion. Rosenberg had first met Deterding during his 1931 London trip.  Royal Dutch Shell had intimate contact and support to the German NSDAP. While the details were kept secret, reliable British reports of the day were that Deterding had provided substantial financial support to the Hitler Project in its critical early phases."

EXTRACT ENDS

Notes

1. Dr. Alfred Rosenberg was Hitlers envoy

2. The National Socialist German Workers' Party (German:Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei, abbreviated NSDAP), commonly known in English as the Nazi Party. (Extract from Wikipedia)

About the Author

F. William Engdahl is the author of the best-selling book on oil and geopolitics "A Century of War: Anglo-American Oil Politics and the New World Order." It has been published in eight languages. He is one of the more widely discussed analysts of current political and economic developments, and his articles and analyses have appeared in numerous newspapers and magazines and well-known international websites.

Posted in: Adolf Hitler, Business Principles, GoogleNews, John Donovan, Oil,Outspoken Articles, Royal Dutch Shell Nazi Secrets, Royal Dutch Shell Plc, Sir Henri Deterding.
Tagged: Adolf Hitler · John Donovan · Royal Dutch Shell Nazi Secrets · Royal Dutch Shell Plc

← Spoof 24 page section of Shell Annual Report published

Shell's U.S. Shale Gas May Be Refined Into Diesel, Jet Fuel →

SOUNDS FAMILiar GUARDIANS OF LAW

Hon. Enriqueta Esguerra Vidal

Clerk of Court

JBC Ex Officio Secretary

Hon. ENRIQUETA ESGUERRA VIDAL

CLERK OF COURT

FIRST DIVISION SUPREME COURT

THE HONORABLES FROM THE CA

ASSOCIATE JUSTICE NORMANDIE B. PIZARRO

ASSOCIATE JUSTICE MAGDANGAL M. DE LEON

ASSOCIATE JUSTICE JOSEFINA GUEVARA SALONGA

THE HONORABLES FROM THE NLRC

PRESIDING COMMISSIONER LOURDES C. JAVIER

COMMISSIONER GREGORIO O. BILOG III

COMMISSIONER TITO F. GENILO

LABOR ARBITER MICHAELA LONTOC

THE LAWYER FOR SHELL

ATTY. RAUL G. QUIROZ

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

SHAKE IT OFF AND TAKE A STEP UP

The Farmer's Donkey

By: Author Unknown

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal

cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out

what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old and the

credit: entirebox.com

well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth

it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.

They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into

the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening

and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he

quieted down.

credit:www.youtube.com

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked

credit: mikesteeden.wordpress.com

down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.

The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and

take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone.

We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping,

never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!