LOL: LAUGH OUT LOUD 9/21/2011

From: Jose Victoria
Date: 2011/9/24

GANDA BUHOK

STUDENT:    "Sir, kamusta po ang grade ko?"

TEACHER:     "Aba iha, kasing ganda ng buhok mo."

STUDENT:     "Talaga po?  Wow naman!!"

TEACHER:     "Oo..parang bagong rebond...BAGSAK NA BAGSAK!!"

KALAHI NI MICKEY MOUSE

ANAK:   "Tay may daga duon sa kusina!"

TATAY:   "Paalisin mo!!"

ANAK:     "Oy daga! Umalis ka dyan!!"

TATAY:      "Tanga!! Gulatin mo!!"

ANAK:     "Daga...BULAGA!!"

TATAY:   "Tanga! Takutin mo!!"

ANAK:     "Oh daga...aswang ako...whoooohhh"

TATAY:   "Gago!! Bugawin mo!!"

ANAK:     "Boss Daga...P50 lang, batang-bata pa!"

CLEANLINESS AND GADLINESS

BAKLA:   "Hoy! Babae bakit ka naghuhugas sa holy water?"

GIRL:       "May kasalanan ang mga kamay ko...nahawakan ko

ang ari ng BF ko."

BAKLA:    "Ganun?  Tabi dyan...magmumumog ako!!"

ASIAN MARTIAL ARTS

Kung ang China ay may KUNG FU, Ang Japan ay may KARATE.

At sa Korea naman ay may TAEKWONDO, anong matitira para sa Pilipinas?

Tayo ay mayroong,

SAPAKAN, BATUKAN, HAMPASAN, HARUTAN, BANGASAN,

PITIKAN, SIKUHAN, SAMPALAN, BANATAN, SAKSAKAN, SUNTUKAN, SABUNUTAN,

KALMUTAN, TADYAKAN, SIPAAN, TUHURAN, DIBDIBAN, KAGATAN, DURAAN,

BARILAN...at ang pinakamatindi sa lahat....PATAYAN!!!

ATTENDANCE

LOLO:      "Naku apo, magtago ka dyan sa ilalim ng mesa, padating yung teacher mo...di ba nag absent ka?"

APO:         "Naku...ikaw din Lo...magtago kayo sa ilalim ng lamesa."

LOLO:       "At bakit naman ako magtatago?"

APO:          "Kasi sabi ko aabsent ako ngayon dahil namatay ang lolo ko."

HEIGHT OF PASSION

Dalawang unano ang nag good time sa Bocaue.  They are having the time of their lives

at the Beer Garden.  They capped the fun with "compassion" for the night.  Kumuha sila

ng magkatabing kwarto sa isang motel.  Yung isa disappointed dahil hindi siya tigasan...kahit

na anong concentrate ang gawin niya ay wala parin.  Lalong lumaki ang disappointment niya

dahil sa naririnig sa kabilang kuarto na bumibilang......ISA....DALAWA.....TATLO....UMMMMPPP...sa

buong magdamag.

Kinabukasan sa kanilang paguusap.  "Disappointed ako dahil kahit na anong gawin ko...di ako tigasan."

"Eh di mas lalo na ako, NI HINDI AKO MAKASAMPA SA KAMA."

VICE-PRESIDENT PACQUIAO

INTERVIEWER:  "Ano ang plano nyo sa mga homeless?"

PACMAN:     "Marami...kasi may problema."

INTERVIEWER:    "Ano pong problema?"

PACMAN:      "Ang hirap silang hanapin...kasi wala silang address."

cr

--
Antonio L. Buensuceso Jr.

Atinatin lang 'to

From: timbaylen <timbaylen@aol.com>

Date: Sat, Sep 17, 2011 at 6:45 PM


Kaya raw di umasenso ang Pilipinas ay di tayo positive tulad ng U.S.A.

Ang tawag sa kanila AmeriCAN, hindi AmeriCAN'T.
Dapat tayo "FilipiYES", di FilipiNO.
.................

An idea can change your life, but a woman can change you idea....
So, the conclusion: always change your woman to have new ideas!
................

When a woman stops having her periods, we call that MENOPAUSE.
 When a man starts using Viagra, we call that KINAPAUSE!
................

A hotel guest called room service, "I want a breakfast of two eggs burned &
black around the edges, undercooked bacon, weak coffee, watery orange juice,
and cold, hard, unbuttered toast."

The room service clerk asked, "Why in the world would you want a terrible
breakfast like that?"

'I am HOMESICK!" the guest replied.
..............


Pretty Girl: How much for a tatoo of animal just above my knee?

Tatoo Artist: P1,000 for tiger, rabbit and lion. Free if it's a GIRAFFEE!
.............

 Ano sa Hawaii ang umiiyak?

A LUHA!

Ano naman sa Hawaiian ang caesarean?

TAHI TIAN!

Ano naman ang tawag sa bakla?

WAI KIKI!
................


A man is recovering from surgery when the nurse appears and asked him
how he's feeling.

"I'm OK, but I didn't like the four-lettter word the surgeon used
during my surgery."

"What did he say?" asked the nurse.

"Oops!"
..............

 Mrs. Tanoy is so kuripot. When her husband died, he called the
newspaper and inquired about the price of an obituary.

Paper : P500 for 5 words.

Mrs. : Pwede ba 2 words lang, TANOY DEAD?

Paper : Di pwede. 5 words minimum.

Mrs. : O, sige TANOY DEAD. CAMRY FOR SALE .
..............

 Juan : Kung ako sa iyo ma'am, papalitan ninyo grade ko.

Teacher : At bakit?

Juan : Sabi ng tatay ko, pag nag uwi pa ako ng may bagsak, may BUBUGBUGIN siya!
................

 Anak : Itay, ano po ang ibig sabihin ng "climate change"?

Itay : Ha? Tinay, ano raw ang "climate change"?

Tinay: Ang panlalamig mo sa akin ay dahil may pinag-iinitan ka nang
iba. Iyan ang "climate change!"
..............

Stages of Life:
0 - 5 years we experience many SPILLS

6 -16 years we experience many DRILLS

17-25 years we discover many THRILLS

26-40 years we have many BILLS

41-60 years we suffer many ILLS

61-75 years we take many PILLS

76 & above we worry about our WILLS.
..............

INDIAN BOY (asking Big Chief) : Father, why do we have long names,
while white men have short names like TOM, BILL or SAM?

BIG CHIEF: My son, our names represent a symbol in our culture. White
men merely repeats names
from generation to generation. Your sister's name is SMALL ROMANTIC
MOON OVER THE
LAKE coz there was a beautiful moon over the lake when she was born.

Your brother WHITE HORSE OF THE PRAIRIES was born when a white horse
galloped over the prairies. It's easy to understand.

Do you have any question LITTLE BROKEN CONDOM MADE IN CHINA ?
..............

Sa muli. Ciao...

Trillanes files bill seeking up to 80% windfall profit tax on oil firms

Trillanes files bill seeking up to 80% windfall profit tax on oil firms

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

REJOINDER_SHELL 12

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

MEET ME IN THE STAIRWELL

FROM: Alfred Clayton

'MEET ME IN THE STAIRWELL'

You say you will never forget where you were when
you heard the news On September 11, 2001.
Neither will I.

I was on the 110th floor in a smoke filled room
with a man who called his wife to say 'Good-Bye.' I
held his fingers steady as he dialed. I gave him the
peace to say, 'Honey, I am not going to make it, but it
is OK..I am ready to go.'

I was with his wife when he called as she fed
breakfast to their children. I held her up as she
tried to understand his words and as she realized
he wasn't coming home that night.

I was in the stairwell of the 23rd floor when a
woman cried out to Me for help. 'I have been
knocking on the door of your heart for 50 years!' I said.
'Of course I will show you the way home - only
believe in Me now.'

I was at the base of the building with the Priest
ministering to the injured and devastated souls.
I took him home to tend to his Flock in Heaven. He
heard my voice and answered.

I was on all four of those planes, in every seat,
with every prayer. I was with the crew as they
were overtaken. I was in the very hearts of the
believers there, comforting and assuring them that their
faith has saved them.

I was in Texas , Virginia , California , Michigan , Afghanistan .
I was standing next to you when you heard the terrible news.
Did you sense Me?

I want you to know that I saw every face. I knew
every name - though not all knew Me. Some met Me
for the first time on the 86th floor.

Some sought Me with their last breath.
Some couldn't hear Me calling to them through the
smoke and flames; 'Come to Me... this way... take
my hand.' Some chose, for the final time, to ignore Me.
But, I was there.

I did not place you in the Tower that day. You
may not know why, but I do. However, if you were
there in that explosive moment in time, would you have
reached for Me?

Sept. 11, 2001, was not the end of the journey
for you. But someday your journey will end. And I
will be there for you as well. Seek Me now while I may
be found. Then, at any moment, you know you are
'ready to go.'

I will be in the stairwell of your final moments.

God

Alfred Clayton (RIO)

Rio's Welcome Sign

" Solar City Tower", built atop the island ofCotonduba
will be the welcome symbol to the 2016 Olympic Games
in Rio de Janeiro.

It will be seen by the game visitors and participants as
they arrive by air or water.

The tower captures solar energy. It will supply energy
for all of the Olympic city, as well as also for part of Rio.
It pumps water from the ocean to create what
appears like a water fall, and this fall stimulates turbines
that produce energy during the night.

It will also hold the Olympic flame.
The Tower possesses an amphitheater, an auditorium, a cafeteria, and boutiques. Elevators lead to various observatories. It also has a retractable platform for the practice of bungee jumping.
At the summit is an observation point to appreciate the scenery of the land and ocean, as well as the water fall.
Solar City Tower will be the point of reference for the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro.




How nice is this?
The TRUTH will set you FREE.

Landing View at Offutt Air Force Base

FROM : ALFRED CLAYTON

WHAT PILOTS SEE WHEN LANDING AT OFFUTT AIR FORCE BASE. A farmer does this with his tractor. He uses GPS to get the letters readable. He has done this every fall for several years now. Here's the view from the flight pattern into OFFUTT AIR FORCE BASE Bellevue, NE., just south of Omaha . This is what our servicemen see when landing at Offutt AFB. Hat tip to the Bellevue farmer who made it happen!

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

Dyslexia Paradise

FROM : ALFRED CLAYTON

Good example of a Brain Study: If you

can read this you have a strong mind:

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3

H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG

7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N

7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD

BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR

M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY

W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7

17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N

P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.

PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U

C4N R34D 7H15 :

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

FLASH EVAP BOTTOM PUMP (seized shaft)

Date taken: 12-5-2011 12:42am/p> The TRUTH will set you FREE.

FLASH EVAP BOTTOM PUMP

Date taken: 12-5-2011 12:46 am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

OIL COLLECTION TRUCK 1

Date taken: 12-10-2011 4:57am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

CLOSED VALVE BUT PASSING (wider view)

Date taken: 1-28-12 3:52am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

CLOSED VALVE BUT PASSING

Date taken: 1-28-2012 3:52am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

OFFICE BUILDING AT NIGHT

Date taken: 2-9-2012 10:11pm

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

VACUUM PUMP (vac adjuster at front )

Date taken: 2-13-2012 3:40am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

RED CAP DROPPED from VAPOR COOLER

Date taken : 2-24-2012 2:37am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

VAPOR COOLER/CONDENSER

Note: detached red cap

Date taken : 2-24-2012

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

SHAKER

Date taken:11-13-2011 10:40pm

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

BOILER FUEL TANK(12) LEVEL GAGE

Date taken:11-18-2011 4:21am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

BOILER FUEL TANK(tk.12) TOP PORT

11-18-2911 3:55am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

VACUUM PUMP (vacuum adjuster)

Date taken:11-27-2011 1:30am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

VACUUM PUMP COOLANT SUMP

Date taken: 11-14-2011 4:52am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

VACUUM PUMP SPILL OFF LINE

Date taken: 11-14-2011 4:52am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

CAUSTIC SODA BAG

Date taken : 11-14-2011 2:18am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

CAKE DEPOSITS ON FP PLATES

Date taken : 11-13-2011 10:42pm

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

CAKES FROM FILTER PRESS

Date taken : 11-18-2011 11:13pm

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

CAUSTIC BATCH RECORD

Date taken : 11-2-2011 9:24pm

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

CAUSTIC BATCH RECORD 1

Date taken : 12-12-2011 9:24pm

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

CAUSTIC OPEN BAG

Date taken : 11-14-2011

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

CAUSTIC OPEN BAG 1

Date taken : 11-14-2011 2:50am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

ACID TUBE LINE

Date taken : 11-27-2011 8:44pm

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

SCARIER

Theres The Rub
Scarier

By Conrado de Quiros
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 22:36:00 03/16/2011

Filed Under: Disasters (general), Nuclear power

THE FIRST thing I found scarier than the earthquake itself, or even the devastation it wrought, was how we reacted to it.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I read about how local drug stores made a killing in Betadine from people rushing to buy it. Even drug store employees themselves apparently bought some, "just to be sure," as one of them put it. The panic-buying was caused by a text message, presumably based on a BBC report, that said there would be radiation fallout from the explosions in Japan's nuclear facilities which would reach countries like the Philippines. Applying Betadine on the throat would help fight it off.

Well, first off, I don't know that you can stop hoaxes by prescribing penalties for it, however your sense of oppression makes it tempting. Finding the source is next to impossible. This is a country that can spread text messages with the speed of gossip, and the reliability of one. You can only appeal to the pranksters to rediscover some decency and stop being a nuisance if they cannot be a help. At the very least, it shows callousness in the face of tragedy, a capacity to make light of other people's sufferings. At the very most, it does a lot of harm: You never know what a panicked people can do, especially Filipinos.

Our levels of gullibility are particularly high in that respect. You have only to remember how we too started using gauze masks after Americans did in the wake of 9/11 with the anthrax scare. That one you can indict the Bush administration for, the systematic manufacturing of paranoia to gain support for the subsequent invasion of Iraq. If we can buy the notion that the world's terrorists can spread poison in our air—as though we aren't already doing quite a good job of it by ourselves, just look at Metro Manila's smog—we can buy the notion that Japan's nuclear irradiated air can blow all the way down to us.

The way we rush willy-nilly in the face of gossip, indeed the way some of us even think to push gallows humor to deathly lengths, I am profoundly thankful we never went nuclear despite the power outages we have experienced again and again, despite the power crisis that has loomed before us again and again. I am profoundly thankful the Westinghouse plant has been mothballed, though I still think we ought to make the Marcoses pay for that. Nuclear power is a power that can be as much a source of wholesale destruction as it can be a source of wholesale construction. It can as much scorch a country's earth beyond its darkest nightmare as meet its energy needs beyond its wildest dreams.

It is power that may be reposed only in the hands of the most capable governments, in the hands of the most disciplined people. Can you imagine the current nuclear crisis in Japan happening in a country other than Japan? As I write this, a third explosion has already rocked another nuclear plant, and radiation is leaking from Fukushima Dai-ichi's four reactors, which the prime minister himself has said could "impact on human health." Some 140,000 people have been told to stay indoors as Japan faces its worst nuclear catastrophe ever. You can see the fear and anxiety in the faces of the citizens. The only reason the world isn't being filled with dire apocalyptic warnings is that somehow it believes the Japanese government and people will see their way through it.

Can you imagine even a minor version of that happening here? The human disaster would be worse than the natural one.

The second thing I find scarier than the earthquake itself, or even the devastation it has left behind, is how the world has reacted to it.

So far most of the reports I have read have depicted the earthquake and tsunami it spawned as though it were just one of the natural disasters that befall humankind every now and then. Unfortunate, but they happen. I know you have to exercise every care and responsibility in treating events like this: Nothing is accomplished by wild doomsday theories that just panic the world. But I don't know why we can't also stop to take a serious view about the state of the planet.

Earthquakes do happen. But when they happen with the frequency and ferocity that they have been happening over the last decade, then it is time to look more deeply at what is causing them. When they happen moreover along with hurricanes and tornadoes across the United States, killer floods in India and China, droughts and frost where they have not happened before, then it is time to wonder if we have not pushed this planet to dire extremity.

Yes, we. The last time I looked at the global warming controversy, those opposed to the theory that it is being caused by carbon emissions were saying that, yes, we are on the brink of global warming, if we have not already slid into it, but it is not man-made, or not entirely so, it is something that happens to this planet every several epochs. Certainly, the contribution of carbon emissions to it is minimal. All we can do is mitigate its effects while still allowing countries to continue to produce at the scale that they do using the cheapest—and dirtiest—means to do so. The survival of the world's populations depends on it.

That is not unlike the tobacco lobby continuing to controvert the finding that tobacco causes cancer despite the preponderance of evidence it does. That debate should be over except that the tobacco companies have turned it into one where you get to dispel your doubts only once you get the Big C. The debate on carbon emissions should be over as well—or at least you would think the world would have decided by now to err on the side of caution—except that the detractors have turned into one where they are proven wrong only after the planet is past saving.

It doesn't get any scarier than that.

--
Antonio L. Buensuceso Jr.

Binay still most trusted top gov’t official, says Pulse Asia

Binay still most trusted top gov’t official, says Pulse Asia

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

ACID TUBE CUT

Date taken : 11-27-2011 8:44pm

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

THREE BAGS CAUSTIC

3 50-LB CAUSTIC BAGS PER BATCH

Date taken: 11-14-2012 2:15am

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

Ex-first couple face unbailable poll rap

Ex-first couple face unbailable poll rap

Arroyos allegedly behind rigged ’07 vote

By Jerome Aning
Philippine Daily Inquirer

12:04 am | Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

Former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and her husband, Jose Miguel “Mike” Arroyo, may be detained without bail if the joint investigating panel of theDepartment of Justice and Commission on Elections (Comelec) finds probable cause that they masterminded the rigging of the 2007 senatorial polls in Maguindanao. Comelec Chairman Sixto Brillantes Jr. on Tuesday echoed Justice Secretary Leila de Lima’s declaration that the “direct knowledge” and “first-hand account” of former Maguindanao Administrator Norie Unas, the latest government witness on the 2007 election irregularities, would be a strong piece of testimony against the Arroyos.

The former first couple are facing a possible case of electoral sabotage, a heinous crime that is nonbailable and punishable by life imprisonment.

“There can be no other case. If you look at the magnitude of the votes involved, it is definitely tantamount to electoral sabotage,” Brillantes told reporters in an interview.

Both Brillantes and De Lima, who were election lawyers of opposition candidates in 2007, earlier said they would not take part in the final decision that the joint panel might reach on the cases against the Arroyos.

Unas, a former senior aide of Maguindanao Governor Andal Ampatuan Sr., submitted an affidavit on Monday to the joint panel claiming that shortly before the 2007 elections, he heard Arroyo ordering his boss to ensure a 12-0 sweep of administration candidates in the province and to commit fraud if necessary.

He said he later accompanied Ampatuan to Mike Arroyo’s office, where the two men allegedly discussed the cheating operations that would be undertaken.

New witness to back Unas

A new witness is to appear before the Senate to bolster Unas’ claim that the Arroyos were directly involved in the manipulation of election results in Maguindanao in 2007, Senator Panfilo Lacson said Tuesday.

According to Lacson, the witness was directly in contact with Malacañang while he and his fellow “election operators” were preparing fake election returns (ERs).

“He was part of the ‘special ops’ of Ampatuan,” the senator told reporters. “His contact is from Malacañang in producing fake ERs.”

For some reason, the witness has chosen to show up before the Senate committee on electoral reforms, and not the joint panel of the justice department and the Comelec.

“He wants it here [in the Senate]. Witnesses have their own preferences,” Lacson said, adding that the account of the new witness would corroborate Unas’ sworn statement.

“It will be detailed, including how they maneuvered the votes against opposition candidates, where they got the fake ERs, where they were transported,” the senator said.

He said the new witness had worked with Unas and would “detail how the fake ERs coming from the Comelec were transported to Bukidnon and later to Maguindanao.”

Electoral sabotage

Brillantes said the possible charge of electoral sabotage against Arroyo and her husband would also be boosted by the admission of 15 election officers in Maguindanao that there were irregularities in their respective areas.

He noted that there were at least 20,000 votes in every town in the province.

Republic Act No. 9369, or the Automated Election Systems Act of 2007, states that electoral sabotage is committed when a person tampers with votes involving a national office, when the tampering is done on an election document involving at least 5,000 votes, or when the total tampered votes exceed 10,000.

Brillantes also said Comelec lawyers were convincing the detained former Maguindanao Election Supervisor Lintang Bedol to provide more information on the alleged rigging of the 2007 polls.

“We are asking him to submit a supplemental affidavit since we believe he knows more than what he already stated,” Brillantes said.

Bedol had earlier claimed that municipal election officers were getting instructions from Unas during the 2007 polls. But Unas denied this, saying the poll officers had reported directly to Bedol, who was their superior.

Brillantes said Unas’ claim that Bedol had a direct hand in the ground operations was logical because the latter was the supervisor of the Comelec personnel.

Bedol is detained at the Philippine National Police’s custodial center in Camp Crame, where he is serving a six-month jail term meted on him by the Comelec for indirect contempt. He surrendered to authorities in July.

‘Strong’ evidence

In Malacañang, President Benigno Aquino III’s spokesperson Edwin Lacierda said it was up to the justice department to evaluate Unas’ testimony but expressed belief that the evidence against Arroyo was “very strong.”

“Mr. Unas is the first person to identify and testify and to have personal knowledge that then President Arroyo ordered a 12-0 [sweep] in the 2007 elections. That will have to be appreciated or evaluated by the Department of Justice,” Lacierda said at Tuesday’s news briefing.

“This is personal knowledge. Under the rules of evidence, personal knowledge is very strong evidence,” he said.

Lacierda took exception to the statement made by Arroyo’s legal spokesperson, lawyer Raul Lambino, that Unas could not be considered a credible witness.

“Perhaps Attorney Lambino needs to answer [the question] ‘Where were you when Mr. Unas heard the statement of [then] President Arroyo giving those orders to [then] Governor Andal Ampatuan’ instead of saying that he’s not credible because he was [part] of poll fraud,” Lacierda said.

He also said a number of the witnesses to the alleged poll fraud in 2004 and 2007 were Comelec officials.

“There was fear and apprehension at that time to come out,” Lacierda said. But now, he said, “they decided to come out and reveal what they know about those elections.” With reports from Christian V. Esguerra and Norman Bordadora

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

Manila and Calamba—the twain must meet

Manila and Calamba—the twain must meet

The TRUTH will set you FREE.

CENTRIFUGE

Date taken: 11-13-2011 10:40 pm

The TRUTH will set you FREE.